When we use the phrase “good job” with our son, it marks the end of the interaction. That phrase communicates to him that he has completed whatever task either he or we wanted.
The external praise reinforces validation from adults as the arbiter of accomplishment. If he has done what we’ve asked and we’ve rewarded him with our words, what reason is there for him to continue working on whatever skill he’s trying out?
The same is true for me as an employee.
After a lifetime of school, with grades to mark accomplishment and judge the value of my work, how do I know if and when what I’ve done is enough?
I’m looking for external validation in order to continue doing my job well. I want to hear my boss or one of my colleagues tell me I did a “good job.”
But, is that my goal? That all that keeps me going?
Recently, I’ve been thinking about “internal validation”? Is that a thing?